Let’s Get Something Straight

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It’s ok to not want to get married. It’s ok not be out there chasing every man, praying you will snag one. It’s ok to be perfectly happy on your own.

When I say I’m ok with not getting married and don’t want to, people look at me like I have 8 eyes. Like I have lost my damn mind. WHY? Is it because society says so? Is it because I’m a female and I need someone to take care of me? Because everyone needs someone? Because being alone is frowned up?

Let’s get a few things straight. I’m not chasing anyone who does want to be caught. I don’t want anyone who does want me. I’m 100% ok with being by myself, I actually prefer it and I can take care of my damn self.

I get the standard, “you’ll change your mind,” “you’ll find someone,” “the right person will change your mind,” etc. You know what? All of that could be completely true. I don’t understand why no one says, “okay,” “do what makes you happy,” “good for you,” etc. I always want to follow up with, “and you know that’s ok, right?”

Fun fact about me: I’m VERY introverted. I thrive on quiet time and being alone. Commitment scares me. I’m only 26, almost 27, so I can always grow and change, but as of right now, I don’t see myself getting married nor do I really want to.

I’m not writing all of this to make me feel better or justify my feelings. Quite frankly, I don’t feel compelled to do either. I don’t have to explain/justify my feelings to anyone. I’m writing this to let people know that it’s OK to be different. It’s OK to not do what society deems as “normal” or “correct.” Here’s the thing, if you succumb to these norms, you could end up settling and setting yourself for a lifetime of misery.

I am fine by myself. I like me. I don’t need someone else to complete me. I don’t let being single or spoken for define my worth. I don’t allow anyone or anything to define my worth. I’m human, I have flaws and insecurities like everyone else. I spent years letting the numbers in my bank account, the labels in my closet, my GPA, etc. define my worth and I continued to come up short and feel like I wasn’t enough. I now know that I am enough. I am enough on my own.

Enough is a powerful word. A word that has caused me a lot of pain, anxiety, and battles with depression. I did a lot of soul searching and praying over MANY years before I could finally admit to myself that I was enough. I still fall short and I have days where I constantly have to remind myself over and over again, but I have come such a long way.

I’ve never had a boyfriend or been on date. I’m sure that may shock some, but I’m OK with it. I have standards, values, and morals; just anyone isn’t going to do. In my opinion, no one is better than just anyone.

Oprah used to (may still) have a section in her magazine titled, “What I Know for Sure.” I’m taking a page out of Oprah’s book and sharing a few things that I know for sure.

  1. If you don’t love yourself, it’s going to be really hard for someone else to.
  2. You’ve got to be ok alone.
  3. Don’t settle. You deserve the best. You are better off alone than paired off and unhappy.
  4. Know your worth. Don’t let anyone or anything influence your worth. Don’t place your worth in being married, a mom, a career woman, etc. It’s ok to want all those things, but you need to know that you are enough right now, exactly as you are.

Now I don’t jump out of bed every morning 100% confident in myself and ready to face the day. Sometimes things suck. People suck. Circumstances suck. Sometimes you may feel like the only single person left on the planet. Why can everyone find someone but you? There are reminders that you’re single everywhere you go, whether it’s out in public, at the office, or in my case, the refrigerator. My refrigerator stays full of shower and wedding invites and there’s no plus one to be found.

I get it. It’s hard. Sometimes, I feel it too. However, I’m very fortunate that my friends never make me feel like the odd (wo)man out. Sure, sometimes it would be nice to have a date and not be the 13th wheel, but most times I have just as much fun by myself and I’m not left worrying if my date is having a good time. My friends don’t try to set me up or look down on me or judge me for being single.

I know you’re thinking I’m a marriage hater by now. I promise I’m not. I believe in love. My parents have set a great example. My friends have found some truly amazing guys to spend their lives with. I’ve seen the positive change in my friends when they found their guy. I’m not completely opposed to it, I just don’t think it’s in the cards for me.

If Mr. Right comes strolling in tomorrow and sweeps me off my feet, I will try to keep an open mind and embrace it. If not, I’m good. I’ve got Jesus, my dog, and my Loubs. I’m going to be just fine and you know what else, YOU WILL TOO.

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